Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. James A. Baldwin
I embarked on 2012 wanting my dating and love life to be different than it ever had been before. Three things I held as my objectives:
1.) “I get to have it all.” For once I WILL have an awesome career AND an awesome relationship. No sacrificing one for the other and/or developing one at the expense of the other.
2.) “I am going to explore and play more when it comes to sex.” This means getting out of my comfort zone and pushing my edges.
3.) “I am going to be completely honest and forthright in my relationships.” Honesty with not only whomever I date, but myself as well when it comes to my needs and wants in love and in a lover.
Love and Dating
I jumped back in to the online dating world and was looking at it in a whole new way. One big shift in approach was seeing it as fun and exciting. Think little kid in a candy store—eager to meet new people, experience new things, hear new stories and learn new lessons. Also made a conscious choice that my experience is NOT going to suck this time! If I keep telling myself dating is hard and I’m never going to meet anyone (which I used to say…ALL THE TIME), well guess what? It will. And it did! There are a lot of cool guys out there and the more I meet, the clearer I get on what I do and don’t want. With this process of really getting to know the people that I am dating and seeing them for who they truly are, I can decide who I want to be with from a powerful and informed place. It’s my choice!
I am not saying it has been easy or painless. Actually, the more I have been experiencing, playing and putting myself out there, the more old stuff has been coming up. And by old I mean anywhere from when I was a kid (and how that impacted the beliefs I have around love and relationships) to my last relationship which ended over three years ago! So frustrating, too. You would think I would have been over it by now, especially me, Miss Life Coach. Yet I find myself crying at the memories, rehashing what I did wrong or feeling cheated out of a normal example of what a relationship should be like. I could not understand ‘why again’ and ‘why now?’ Haven’t I already dealt with this shit? But in this very moment, actually as I type this very post, seeing things through the lens of radical honesty, I can see why. (Thank you Objective #3!)
These memories are serving as a reminder of how it was and how I do not want it to be, ever again. In order to do different, I cannot forget what was common in my behavior and my history. What are my normal patterns and what did that get me? Weird to say this but I am grateful for this heartache I have been feeling the last couple of weeks. It is reaffirming my desire that I can have it all. It WILL be different. I am not the same woman from 3 years ago. Hell, I am not the same woman from a year ago! And dammit, I get to have the love life of my dreams. I am committed and ready.
So with all that, I still get to show up as my big, beautiful self…still open to love in all of its beauty…still believing in the power of my intuition and possibilities… still putting myself out there, regardless of the potential of getting hurt. Here goes nothing in the hopes of attracting everything I have always wanted and deserve!
Photo by Simoninns
Natalie Vartanian is a certified life coach, motivational speaker, strategy consultant, giggler, lover of skinny branches and a gypsy! She travels around the globe inspiring people to dream big and take action toward their most fun and adventure-filled lives. She can be found here and Girls Gone Moto.